Sometimes I feel I’m living minute-to-minute.
Like today… My husband was at work, and it felt impossible to meet my boys’ demands. If not battling each other, they’d be competing loudly for my attention – and when I found a minute to myself they would run to me immediately and ask for things I often had to say no to. My eldest son, five, kept erupting into temper tantrums when things didn’t go as he’d hoped. He seemed particularly fragile today. And my youngest would then act out to try and retrieve some of the attention lost to him. It seemed to result in one, big, never-ending battle just to get through the day.
It doesn’t always feel like this. But it’s times like these I find myself grasping for God – for something from him that will align my perspective with his. In the moments of quiet I can snatch – or the moments of utter chaos – I cry out to him, either asking why it’s so hard – or just that I’d have the grace to do things better. To love, instead of reacting in anger. To see my beautiful children, truly gifts from God, the way he sees them. And to believe that his love for me and belief in my capabilities will get me through. Without God’s input, I’m only relying on my own instincts, which don’t always feel so reliable.
But while I had a hard day, I certainly don’t have the monopoly on hardship – we all have our crosses to bear in a sense – things which send us over the edge sometimes, and ongoing, long-term struggles which never seem to find resolution.
What I found I needed to do as I walked out of today’s war zone, was to try and adopt a stance of worship… To make a conscious decision to focus on who God is – what he’s done, and what he promises to do.
In the person of Jesus, God became one of us. He suffered and died to pay the price for us rejecting him and living our own way – and rose from the dead to show he really was God. Not only that, he offers a personal, interactive relationship with us. He offers healing for our brokenness, comfort in our sorrow, and promises those who turn from their sin and believe in him eternal life – an everlasting, joy-filled home with him when we die. He’s the best friend I could ever have, but he’s also awe-inspiring, perfect, completely holy, majestic, and full of truth and power. He has changed my life completely.
As I played music which helped me reflect on who God is, all the other stuff from the day kind of blended into the background. I was focused on him, and suddenly felt extremely grateful that gazing on him in worship was all I needed to refocus. Every day, if I let him, he teaches me more and more about himself in a variety of ways.
Here’s one of the songs that helped me rediscover the hope and wholeness God offers. His grace and love really do transform everything…