Just so needy…

Sometimes ‘neediness’ can feel overwhelming.

It’s easy to get frustrated and want to throw in the towel when it comes to friends or family that seem perpetually stuck in a victim mentality. They might blame others for their problems, seemingly unable to take responsibility for getting help. And of course it’s not always that simple. Sometimes life is so overwhelming or our health so poor that even getting out of bed feels like an almighty battle. And sometimes we’re the ones who never feel like we can move forward with our lives.

I think emotional health is not measured by how needy you are, but how (and who) you ask for your needs to be met…

* With thanks to: shannynschroeder.wordpress.com

I think seeing ourselves as the answer to our problems is a great start (though it can take some work to be able to do this). There has to be a balance between asking others to meet all our needs, and remaining completely independent of people, walls up.

People that know how to ask for help in a healthy way also know their deep value as people. They know they are worthy of good things, and that they have a lot to offer too. They don’t ‘play the martyr’, always complaining about how much they have to do, and how bad things are. Instead, they assertively ask for the support they need, while meeting many of their own daily needs as well. Sounds good, doesn’t it?

I’m still on this journey. In the past I’ve tended to swing between trying to conquer the world on my own, which results in frustration and resentment… and expecting too much of people, and blaming them for my struggles. But it’s been a liberating exercise to learn that I don’t have to battle on alone, and being direct about what I need from others saves a lot of drama.

But even better than that, Jesus is truly able to meet my every need, every minute of every day. All I need to do is ask Him.

He won’t abuse my vulnerability and neediness. He will supply without being domineering. He will bless me beyond my imagination if I let him…

He is not a genie in a bottle, but a deeply relational Saviour who gently walks beside me, up and down every mountain that I face. My very best friend, who gives beyond measure, and loves it when I lift my hands to Him.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will
be opened to you.”

(Matthew 7:7)

“[He] is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his
power that is at work within us.”

(Ephesians 3:20)


  1. Hi Ali — another insightful post. I LOVED your trampoline post, too! With regards to neediness and blaming…I believe we get where we are today by the choices we ourselves made yesterday {not discounting that sometimes others make choices too that adversely or beneficially affect us.} But like you say and I agree…But even better than that, Jesus is truly able to meet my every need, every minute of every day. All I need to do is ask Him. Thanks.

    1. Hi Sheila, thanks so much for dropping by and your encouragement.
      Totally. Much of what we experience (the stress and strain) is due to choices (ours and others, as you say) from the past. And yes! He is ready and able!
      Hope you and Michael are well. Keep on being a blessing,

  2. I love how you so gently share with us about neediness. I have had to let Him move me away from blaming others for not helping me in my neediest times, to seeing how often those closest to me are simply unable to help, being needy themselves. There was a time when I walked and prayed through a wealthy neighbor, because Jesus said they were needy . ..of Him.
    God bless you as you walk with Him today and help us lean in closer too!

    1. Thank you Debbie. It’s a tough journey isn’t it, and our disappointments in others are real. But that is such a revelation – that sometimes friends’ needs are great too, and they simply can’t give us what we need at all times. That’s amazing that God used you in that need. May we keep on bringing our needs – and others’ – before the Loving Provider we serve.

  3. It’s a lot of pressure to put on relationships when we look to others to fill our every need (and we’re bound to be disappointed.) I know that God can offer that support…the key is asking, as you pointed out. Still working on that daily.

    1. So true Janna. It’s the kind of pressure that can easily break a relationship apart (which ends up being the opposite of what we need or want). Yeah, we need reminding that it’s OK to keep asking Him. He will provide, above and beyond even what we think we may need.

  4. Great post.

    A few years ago my dad died, and it hit me harder than even I realised. And because I’m an introvert I bottled it up until it ate away at me in secret.

    Two people got me through this – the woman who is now my wife – she convinced me I needed to turn back to God, who got me through the rest of it. Your post reminded me of this, and how important it is to talk to someone when you need to.

    1. Wow Matthew, thank you for sharing your story of your loss. I think the love of God is partly shown through the love of people like your wife, who helped you pick up the pieces. I’m so glad she was there for you just when you needed that support. Thanks for dropping in and sharing. Praying you’ll continue to heal that broken heart.

  5. Hi Ali, what a great post! I recently wrote about how I struggle with the ‘grey zone’ of not being on either extreme in other areas of my life. It’s so hard findig that middle ground in all areas of life -including asking for help. I definitely lean towards being too independent. Thanks for a great reminder!

    1. It is hard isn’t it Denise, getting the balance right. May we all keep growing in the area of allowing others in, and investing in others’ lives in a healthy way, in His wisdom 🙂 Blessings,

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