I’d like to share a story about a friend of mine.

He knows a thing or two about hard times.

His name’s David, and he’s been part of our church for quite a while.

I first met David when we both worked in a community centre at Eastlakes.

David was one of the volunteers packing fruit and vegetable boxes for our elderly clients.

After a while doing that, he became a volunteer at The People’s Pantry, which is a food program our charity runs.

David heard that I was often writing stories about staff and volunteers as part of my job. These stories help to give the charity a human face.

One day, I asked David how he was going, and he mentioned he’d be happy to share his story. I joyfully agreed.

After that chat, he took time to write down his experiences.

I was then able to share his story with staff, as well as many community members.

We were all touched by the challenges David had overcome.

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David was born six weeks premature, with a narrow spinal canal.

David was a breech baby and came into the world with Spina Bifida Occulta, an extra disc, and scoliosis.

Now, in his adulthood, he’s told his spinal degeneration could continue to get worse over time.

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David grew up in a loving family home, in a public housing block.

His spinal differences didn’t stop him swimming, going on camping trips, and playing cricket and golf.

When he left school, he had various jobs but had to accept there were things he couldn’t do, like heavy lifting.

Things took a turn for the worse for him in 2019.

He had lost his job due to staff cuts. He found it difficult to get another job, even after many job applications.

Around the same time, David was having problems with the property owner, who had paranoid schizophrenia, who threw his belongings out several times.

It was an unpleasant experience living there, and that year the property went up for sale.

He was given six weeks to vacate as they needed to do renovations.

A few weeks after this news, David’s mother had a stroke and was rushed to hospital.

He visited his mum every single day in hospital until she passed away two weeks later.

David said it was the saddest moment of his life.

In the middle of his grief, David found himself without a home.

All the items from their house were moved to the garage so renovations could start.

He was reassured his items would be kept safe.

He ended up sneaking into the garage to sleep at night as he had nowhere else to go.

He turned to charities for food and other essentials. After spending several nights in the garage, he sought emergency accommodation.

After spending a few months in emergency accommodation, David went back to the garage to pick up a few of his belongings. But many things had been thrown out, including his mother’s personal effects and a box of important documents.

It was a heart-breaking moment for David.

By God’s grace, David was accepted into public housing after many months in emergency accommodation.

The challenges David has faced have changed his perspective on life.

He said to me:

“One moment you can be living comfortably, then everything comes crashing down on you in the blink of an eye.”

But David soon found the strength to pursue volunteer work, and discovered our charity, South Eastern Community Connect.

Every week I see David faithfully serving a long line of people who are desperate for help.

Many haven’t eaten in days due to financial hardship.

David knows what it’s like to be in a tough patch, so he relates to clients with empathy and compassion.

“It’s always a good feeling to help someone and see them walk away with a smile on their face,” he says.

Recently, David has also found a deeper relationship with God since coming to Beverly Hills Baptist Church.

He’s had some bad experiences with people in the past but he’s learnt to forgive them.

Every week I see the difference David makes to the people who walk through for their food hampers.

David takes note of every person and follows up to ask them how they are going.

He remembers news they shared with them the previous week and takes a special interest in referring them to other support services if ours is unable to help.

David is comforting others with the comfort he himself has received.

David’s life shows us how our experiences help us to know how to help others.

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Those of you who’ve been on the dark journey of losing a child, or a spouse, or a parent, can offer a listening ear to those going through the same thing.

But we don’t need to have gone through something to be able to comfort others.

Sometimes I think fear stops us from reaching out to others who need comfort.

Or we think, I just don’t have the time.

But I think one of my biggest regrets will be if I wasn’t there for the people I love during the most important moments in life.

We need each other.

We really do.

Without people around us, we so easily fall into despair.

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But let’s get practical about what it might look like to help others going through a hard time.

Let’s look at four ways we can support others having a hard time.

1. Firstly, if someone has lost someone they love, don’t assume they don’t want to talk about that person. Don’t be afraid to say the name of the person they’ve lost, whether it’s a newborn baby or a person they were married to for 40 years. Say their name and allow them to talk about the person as little or as much as they want.
2. Give out lots of love and expect nothing in return. If a person you love is grieving, they may shut out the world or embrace it. They may go silent, or they may want to talk and talk. But what they need the most is knowing that people care. That they are loved. So send a card. Flowers. Maybe a Christmas ornament with the name of the person they lost. A candle can be a beautiful gift. You could organise a food roster. Send a daily text message of love and support and know that you may rarely or never get a reply. But that’s okay.  

This bit of advice comes from a mum who lost her newborn daughter Georgie. She writes:

“For me, just knowing that my friends were thinking of us helped us get through each day. Every message I received made me feel like Georgie mattered.”

3. Don’t try to fix the situation. You want to take the pain away. Of course you do. But trying to explain this tragedy or ‘find the positives’ will only cause more pain. You don’t know what to say? That’s okay. Just say that your heart is broken for them and for their family. Just say that you love them. That you’re sorry. Don’t ask what you can do to help. Because they probably won’t accept it. Just help. Leave a meal on the doorstep. Drop in some groceries. Or just pop into the hospital or their home to check on them. Check you have permission first of course. But just do it. It may just make the world of difference. Or at least take a slight edge off their pain.

4. Here’s another practical tip. Take note of the six-week mark after the person experienced a loss. The six-week mark is a particular punch in the guts for anyone who is grieving a loved one. At the six-week mark people have moved on and you find yourself feeling very much alone. The world is moving around you as though life is normal. But life is not the same for the one grieving. At the six-week mark, make a call, send an email, post a card – just don’t stay silent, because the silence is deafening. Take a note of the day your friend loses their loved one. And remember to text or call them on the anniversary of their person’s passing. It will mean so much to them. And it will build your relationship.

And if it’s you that’s grieving or struggling or hurting, know this, you will get through this.

One day at a time.

One hour at a time. 

It doesn’t feel like it now, as you struggle to breathe in and out, but you will be happy again. 

You will learn to live with this pain – a pain that will not always be so raw.

Just focus on getting through each hour.

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Remember that Jesus understands suffering. He was nailed to the cross for us. He knows pain.

But he has also sent a comforter to help us, in the form of the Holy Spirit.

We can rely on the Spirit’s help as we grieve or struggle.

And we can ask for help to be delivered from the pain we’re going through.

Our God is the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort.

In times of trial, He stands ready to console and strengthen us through the Holy Spirit.

And to help us know how to help others.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help, and don’t be afraid to give help.

Let us hold fast to the truth that our suffering serves a purpose, deepening our faith and equipping us to be compassionate comforters to others.

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Ask God to use you in the lives of other people.

Ask him to help you touch the lives of others.

May our suffering be used as a tool to make us better at bringing comfort to others.

A prayer for today:

Dear Lord,

So often our attempts to comfort others feel so small and insignificant.

But in your economy they are not.

Lord, thank you that even though life is hard, our harships help build friendships.

Help us to be honest with others about our struggles.

And to be a comfort to others when they are struggling.

In Jesus’ precious name,

Amen