Based on a sermon by Michael Leader, Beverly Hills Baptist Church, on Mark 14:12-26.

Betrayal cuts deep.

It’s the friend who turns out to be using you. The partner who shatters your world at 3am. The colleague who takes credit for your work. The family member who breaks your trust in ways you never imagined possible.

And when it happens, it doesn’t just hurt. It destabilises everything. Your sense of safety. Your ability to trust. Your understanding of who you thought someone was.

You’re left asking: Was any of it real?

The weight of broken trust

Betrayal is possibly the most painful thing that can happen to us. It leaves us mentally and even physically unstable. It makes us less likely to trust again, affecting every relationship we have. It devastates us, especially when the betrayal runs deep.

We’ve all seen it or felt it. The spouse who had an affair. The business partner who embezzled funds. The friend who shared your deepest secrets. The parent who chose addiction over their child.

These aren’t just disappointments. They’re violations of trust that shake us to our core.

Jesus understands betrayal

Here’s what matters: No matter what you’ve been through, Jesus has been through worse.

Think about the Last Supper. Jesus reclined at the table with his twelve closest friends. The people he’d spent three years with, taught, laughed with, travelled with. These were his people.

And he knew one of them would betray him.

“One of you will betray me,” he said. “One who is eating with me.”

Judas wasn’t just an acquaintance. He was one of Jesus’ best friends. Someone he trusted completely. Someone whose feet he had just washed, even knowing what was coming.

The difference between Jesus’s betrayal and ours? He walked into it with full knowledge. He chose to love Judas anyway. He chose to serve him anyway. He chose to die for him anyway.

That’s extraordinary love.

Justice belongs to God

When Judas betrayed Jesus, leading him to his death, Jesus said something crucial: “Woe to that man who betrays the Son of Man. It would be better for him if he had not been born.”

That’s serious justice.

Here’s what this means for you: When you’re betrayed, know that justice will come. The person who betrayed you will have to face a holy God. He will not let that betrayal slip through the cracks.

Rest into that. Let God handle the justice.

People rarely profit long term from betrayal. They might carry on as though they don’t care. They might even seem to thrive for a while. But here’s what they’ve lost – they’ve lost you. They’ve lost the relationship. They’ve lost the trust. They’ve lost something precious.

Your ex-spouse lost the best partner they could’ve had. Your former friend lost someone who showed them nothing but kindness. The colleague lost your support and advocacy.

That’s their loss to carry.

Disappointment can become opportunity

Sometimes God takes our deepest disappointments and transforms them into something we never expected.

At the Last Supper, there was a man with a large upper room who had no guests during Passover – the busiest time of year in Jerusalem. Something had gone horribly wrong for him. People had abandoned him. His home was empty when it should’ve been full.

And God turned that man’s loss into hosting the most famous dinner party in history. He got to witness Jesus washing the disciples’ feet. He got to see the very first communion meal.

He wouldn’t have had that honour without the earlier disappointment.

What could God do with your disappointment?

Don’t misunderstand—not every betrayal has an obvious silver lining. The pain is real. The loss is real. But God promises that all things work together for the good of those who love him.

Trust that. Even when you can’t see it yet.

The path to healing

If you stay in bitterness and unforgiveness, you only harm yourself. But healing doesn’t happen automatically. You need to work at it, or you’ll find yourself slipping back into anxiety, anger, fear, helplessness, or the inability to trust again.

When that happens, you’re allowing the betrayer to betray you all over again.

Practical steps forward

Acknowledge instead of avoid. Don’t bury it. Don’t suppress it. Don’t pretend it didn’t happen. You can get trapped in self-doubt and self-criticism, wondering if you did something wrong… if you should’ve seen the signs. That’s not healthy. Acknowledge betrayal for what it is.

Accept the difficult emotions. You might feel humiliated, ashamed, furious, vengeful, sick, or grieving. Don’t avoid those emotions or mask them. Don’t self-medicate with alcohol or other things to make the pain disappear temporarily. Put a name to specific emotions so you can begin to process them properly.

Get help. Opening up about betrayal isn’t easy. You might not want to talk about it. You might feel you can’t trust anyone. But you need support. Seek therapy if necessary. Set healthy boundaries, watch out for gossips, but don’t give up on people.

Don’t make rash decisions. In the early stages of betrayal, focus on self-care first. Get away for a break to think. Find ways to sleep better –a warm bath, soothing music, whatever helps. Keep eating well even when you don’t feel like it. Get exercise. Don’t rush to divorce or make snap decisions in the heat of the moment. Get some space.

Spiritual truths to hold onto

The guilt belongs with the betrayer. Just like Jesus did nothing wrong, you did nothing wrong to deserve betrayal. You weren’t perfect – none of us are – but you didn’t deserve this. The evil one loves to make us feel guilt and shame, but this sin isn’t yours. Don’t carry it.

The betrayal isn’t your identity. When we’re betrayed, we can feel worthless. We hear whispers: “You’re not worth respecting” or “You were a fool.” But people don’t betray based on your worth. They betray because of brokenness deep inside themselves. Your identity isn’t what happened to you. Your identity is in Christ.

Life isn’t fair, and injustice happens. Accept that fact unconditionally. You can’t stop betrayal from happening. But you can trust God to help you get through it. And God will bring everything to justice one day.

Revenge won’t fix anything. When you’re betrayed, you feel powerless. You want to take back control. But revenge will only make your brokenness greater. You’ll feel worse because now you’ve sinned like them. Let God take charge. He will bring justice – or bring them to repentance, which, if you ever cared for them, is where you ultimately hope they end up.

You’ll grow through this pain. On the other side of this suffering lies the opportunity to become better and stronger. Trust God’s plans for you.

You will trust again, love again, and find joy again. This isn’t the end of your life. God will help you build better relationships in the future. You’ll know the right signs to look for now. Marriage and friendship didn’t betray you – that person did. Don’t become so bitter that you never trust again.

You need to forgive. This is crucial. Forgiveness isn’t reconciliation. If the person who betrayed you doesn’t repent and apologise, you can’t reconcile – at least not in the way things were. You can’t let it slide if they’re not sorry.

But you can still forgive.

Forgiveness isn’t an emotion. You might still feel hurt, anger, and frustration with that person for the rest of your life. You might never trust them again—and that’s okay. We need wisdom in our relationships.

But forgiveness, like love, is an act of will. It’s a choice you make every day if necessary.

You choose not to hold their sin before you. You choose not to revel in bitterness. You choose to let go of your desire for revenge. You choose to set yourself free from their harm, and them from harm from you. You won’t speak about it maliciously. You won’t use it to destroy them.

Because of the cross that Jesus endured after his own betrayal, you can be filled with the love and forgiveness of God that sets others free.

You’re not alone

Jesus understands betrayal. He knows what you’re going through. He loves you more than you could ever know.

If you’re caught up in the pain of betrayal today, lay it at Jesus’ feet. Let him heal your broken heart.

The road ahead won’t be easy. Some days will be harder than others. But you don’t walk it alone. And one day, you’ll look back and see how far you’ve come.

Keep going. There’s hope on the other side of this pain.