If you want to be more humble, ask God to help you think less about yourself and more about others.

As C.S. Lewis said, “humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less.”

This is “the freedom of self-forgetfulness” as Tim Keller famously put it.

Most of us have an ego that needs to be fed constantly.

We’re like the Cookie Monster, always demanding “cookie!”

Thinking of ourselves less is the most freeing thing!

When we focus on others rather than only looking to people for praise – for “ego cookies” – it changes everything.

A friend at work was telling me about someone they had over for dinner.

She said she was a painful experience.

Why?

Because her friend was a story matcher.

Everything my friend shared with her dinner guest was matched with an equivalent story about themselves.

Rather than listening to her, she just volleyed back her own story in response.

“My weekend was terrible because I had a car accident.”

Oh really? – I had a car accident once!

Do you know someone like that?

Instead of listening, they just try and match their story with their own. They grab for attention rather than truly hearing you.

It’s so frustrating!

But a person who focuses on others knows how to listen deeply rather than scrambling to be heard and praised.

When hearing about a friend’s car accident, a good listener says –

“Oh, that’s terrible! Tell me what happened! How are you feeling about that?”

Self-forgetfulness makes us better at loving others.

Why?

Because we’re modelling Jesus. Our great example of love and humble sacrifice.

Even though he could choose to rule over creation with an iron fist, he opted for the most humble life possible.

He became a young boy born to a poor family who grew up to be a carpenter and ultimately die in his thirties on a wooden cross.

Jesus never married. He never had a career that others envied. He was no one you would have noticed on the street.

Yet he led the most impactful life in history. He had more followers than anyone in all creation…

We all want to feel important. It’s our pride, our ego that causes this.

We want the verdict on our life to be “person of value”.

We don’t want our tombstone to read “self-absorbed narcissist who everyone ran away from.”

We want it to be “kind loving person” or “caring friend to all”.

But when we seek validation from others, we become less humble.

We become less and less like Jesus.

And less and less like the loving people we ultimately want to be.

Let’s ask God to help us live lives that are others-focused rather than self-focused.

Dear Lord,

Thank you that your verdict for us is loved, now and forever.

We don’t have to compare ourselves with others or look for approval from the world.

Help us to love others with the love you have poured on us.

Our life is a gift. And our life is not our own. It is made to be poured out for others.

Just as you poured out your life for us on that wooden cross.

Help us to find all we need in you.

Knowing that one day you will reward us with an eternity in heaven in your presence.

Amen