“I miss wanting to be awake…”

Do you look forward to being awake?

I was scrolling through my Instagram feed today when I came across these words written by a teenager…

“I miss when I was, like, 12, and it would be the night before a big field trip or something and I couldn’t go to sleep because I was so excited. I miss being so into a book that I would stay up past my bedtime reading it. Everything seems so bland or something idk. I’m only 19 and everything is so tiring. I miss wanting to be awake…”

This stopped me in my tracks. I felt deeply for this stranger who’d lost the sense of wonder and excitement they’d enjoyed as a child. When exactly did they abandon it? Why is their life so bland and tiring at the age of 19? Where are the pressures coming from? Their studies? Their parents?

The last statement hit me the hardest. I miss wanting to be awake…

Life is hard, in different ways, for all of us. We don’t always want to be awake for responsibilities such as work, for example. We’d rather sleep and avoid it all.

But life is a mix of commitments and joyful moments that we both need and want to be awake for. That is, if we’re not feeling that everything is bland and joyless.

Depression is a reality for many people. More people wear masks than we’d ever know.


People with depression often don’t want to burden others, so they keep quiet. What would be the point in sharing the struggle anyway?

It takes a lot of courage to ask for help.

If you’re struggling with extreme sadness, know that there is help out there. Please track it down. If you can think of someone who might be, reach out and lend a listening ear. A moment of compassion will remind them they’re not alone – that there might be at least one good reason for staying awake.


    1. I thought so too. Life at 19 shouldn’t be that way 😦
      Yes. Praying for them, that they find hope and peace, and a reason to get up every morning.

    1. Yeah, it’s horrible when it feels that way. I’ve had my own patches… Just wanting to give up or escape.
      I’m so glad Jesus has given us many reasons to keep waking and facing life with joy and an eternal hope 🙂
      Thanks Caddo 🙂

  1. I understand this teenagers heart. I remember feeling this way. Hopeless.

    The novelty of this world eventually fades. We realize even ‘good’ people sin, nothing lasts, and we are all going to die. We are disillusioned and become depressed. We begin to ask, “what’s the point?” and “is this all there is?” We try to find meaning in relationships and what we do and come up feeling empty. It’s because we are made to have communion/fellowship with God, in His presence is the fullness of joy. We can only have this communion through Jesus Christ.
    It is true Christians may still struggle with depression because though we have changed the world around us has not…and we have a longing for the return of Christ. We still groan within but we have hope! Someday God will remove us completely from this life either by death or Christ’s return and our struggle against sin will end and we will enjoy unhindered fellowship with our Creator, Redeemer, and Friend. God’s Word revives and we can’t help but remain awake to await for His triumphant return!

    Romans 8:18-25
    “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us. 19For the anxious longing of the creation waits eagerly for the revealing of the sons of God. 20For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it, in hope21that the creation itself also will be set free from its slavery to corruption into the freedom of the glory of the children of God. 22For we know that the whole creation groans and suffers the pains of childbirth together until now. 23And not only this, but also we ourselves, having the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body. 24For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees? 25But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it.

    1. Amen! Such true words from your heart, and from scripture.
      So true. Even though we know Jesus is our comfort and we have heaven to look forward to, we can become overwhelmed by the struggles and tragedies of life. I can relate to the “groaning” of Romans 8.
      It really does lift me to imagine what it will feel like when I am finally “adopted” into heaven. Free of pain.
      And so grateful for the times he has lifted me out of darkness on this side of heaven.
      Thanks for popping in and being such an encouragement with your words!

  2. So thankful, dear Ali, that you read that instagram and God moved on your heart to pray for that 19 year old and then post this. I have known times like this as well. God bless you for reaching out today!

    1. Hey Debbie 🙂 It’s great how God works to move us in different directions isn’t it 🙂
      Yes, so have I. So grateful God has brought you through these times, and pray you’d continue to know his strength in all things.

  3. It’s sad to read, but I’m glad God brings those in need across our paths where we can reach out to them, or for them in prayer.

Comment on this post?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s