How skilled are you at setting boundaries?
And what’s stopping you from saying no to others when you need to?
In the first of a series of five-minute videos for Christian YouTube channel TLDTV, I discuss why setting boundaries can be so hard, and what we can do to lovingly assert limits in order to create better-quality relationships.
Enjoy and thank you for watching! – Ali
It's a God thing... 
Okay, I will try this again as my first comment went to never-never land when I tapped the wrong key!
Awesome topic! My aunt gave me that book years ago when I was having issues with believing I had to please everybody who came my way. I cannot recall much of the book because of some permanent amnesia, but I do now set boundaries with people in my life. Something I had not done up until perhaps a year ago. One needs to be firm yet gentle when drawing a line in the sand. Some folks I found just do not like it when they see a person has set some well defined boundaries. But like my former therapist says, that is something they need to deal with. I have also learned that I must have a SMALL amount of momentary leeway with boundaries I set, but not so much as to have others think I am a pushover who does not stick to limits I set. A fine balancing act to say the least. But one that often needs t be used.
I look forward to seeing more vids! Blessings, Ali.
How annoying Liz! Thanks for persisting!
I’m glad you’ve found a way to set firmer boundaries. It can take a while for us to implement the theory can’t it? So true – how they respond to our boundaries is not our responsibility. Yes it’s a fine line isn’t it! I struggle with the blurriness of saying No for sure! God bless, and thanks for watching and interacting.
Hi Ali. Thought this would be of interest to you. An interview with Dr. Henry Cloud on Life Today.
http://lifetoday.org/video/boundaries/
Blessings
Definitely, thanks for sharing it Liz! I just watched it — so true what he says about love and limits, and not enabling others. As well as the advice on boundaries in the digital age. Such helpful stuff!
I read the same book and I love it. We need boundaries in order to remain stable in my honest opinion. Otherwise, we will just let anything go with no filter, and that would be catastrophic at best for our lives if we say yes to that level of chaos. With no sense of stability, we will just be meandering into anything that pulls us so yes, we do need boundaries to cordon off what is unnecessary in our lives and move in the right direction.
Great Vlog Ali. It’s nice to hear your Aussie accent š . š – Sherline
It’s great isn’t it! Yes, it’s a way to avoid catastrophe for sure – and I think good boundaries reflect that we’ve taken ownership of our lives and that we’re people who are clear about our yes and our no. God bless, glad you like my accent š
Hereās one for dealing with family or siblings.
Letās assume you have your own car and your own separate place to live, but in the same town or within 25 minutes away.
Question: in your siblings house, who is in charge?
Answer: they are.
Why?
Because itās their house. Simple.
Next question: who is in charge in their car?
Answer: they are.
Why?
Because itās their car. Again, simple.
So! If they are a passenger in your car and you are driving, and you have the radio on, or a playing a CD in your car while driving, and they donāt like that song, or that kind of music and tell you: that music sucks. I donāt want to listen to that crap. Play it on your own time when IāM m not hereā¦ā¦..
What will you do?
Who is in charge in *their* car? Would an aquaintence or someone at work whoās car broke down and needs a ride, would that person tell you what to listen to it to shut it off? I think very likely NOT. Why should family have any more āpowerā?
Are you a āNarcissistā for keeping it on because you like it and they can tolerate it for awhile? If you think you are a Narcissist if you did that, then I ask: have you ever considered that their wanting you to shut it off is *their* way of being a control freak or trying to dominate you or for them to be āin chargeā? Could it be another small way of them trying to manipulate you?
Suppose they said they would turn it off in their car if you didnāt like it. Do their choices obligate you? Do you even believe them? Does it matter anyway? Who is on whoās s āturfā?
It seems to me that if you canāt gave boundaries:
1. In your own house it
2. In your own car ā¦..where can you?
Do you disagree? Why?
#Boundaries #Manipulation #PowerTrips #Assertiveness #Psychology #Respect #Communication #Family #PersonalRights
Hmm, definitely food for thought! Thanks for your thought-provoking words.
I loved listening to ypu and getting to see you! Thank you! And then you talked about something that I really need help with! Thank you some more!
Aww, thanks so much dear friend! I’m so glad the boundaries topic was easy to connect with. Praying for you and sending love. God bless, Ali
Hey, Ali!
First, I’m sorry, because I do not speak English; and according to what I read, if I understood the context of your message, I would like to share something that I wrote and I have already posted here:
There are so many variables, or rather, they are infinite variables that only the Lord Jesus can equalize and manage the result, having as principle and objective the good of all, in movement and within the time of each one.
Everything that concerns the Lord Jesus is pertinent to the good. These aspects are intrinsic: the good in principle and its vital relevance.
Civilization has already solved many questions of practical life to deal with everyday matters. And faith in good is the guiding thread for life in its many aspects: health, love, work, study, family, society and relationships.
With our faith honestly anchored in Christ, we can reflect the good in our lives, because the Lord is the source of virtue. And it is a blessing to those who believe, to reach the rest and the shelter of faith.
The Lord Jesus Christ should be the center of our faith; and this reality will define the limits of the issues that surround us, those that are pertinent to us, and those that are pertinent to others, and the boundaries between one and the other.
Thanks and Blessings!!
Well said, Carlos. So true! If we allow Jesus to be the centre of all our decisions – our compass – then our boundaries will become much clearer. Thank you for sharing your wisdom!
š
Good to hear you rather than just read your posts.
Fascinating that you speak about boundaries as an uninvited “Latin Babes” banner advert goes across your Vlog!
I’m not in the market for such “delights”. Pity I can’t set a boundary which blocks unsolicited advertising!
I absolutely agree with you. The video is very good. i need to read the book now
Fabulous work here again Ali! I have to ponder on this and look to respond further in a bit. Which is fine being Sunday morning and will be busy for a little while. Thank you again and God bless you and yours! š·š¤ š š š āļø š š š š
Lawrence