Just call me a clean freak

I love to watch things made clean… I find a kind of therapy in sitting and watching my front loader twist and roll our clothes around, knowing they’ll come out much better than they were before. Each time we wash we are making something new again, useable once more. I also appreciate, as I walk down my tree-lined road every Tuesday morning on the way to work, the line of empty rubbish bins…
Again there is that sense of starting again, another week of rubbish cleaned out, relocated or reused somewhere else, but purposefully forgotten or discarded. We don’t want it any more. We have chosen to part ways. Every time we throw something out it is a deliberate choice, whether it’s a bottle top that might be better used in a craft activity, or an antique sewing machine that might fetch something on eBay but frankly it’s more trouble than it’s worth. Every time we discard, we choose, and I think it’s the same with the gunk in our emotional lives that’s been there so long we hardly realize what it’s doing to us. We might know deep down we should deal with it, but it’s too much hard work.. The possibility of dealing with the pain of past hurt or abuse is too hard. The reality of working through stuff seems too much of a luxury in a world without any time spare. But sometimes things confront you in such a way that you have to deal with them, no matter how many young children you have, or assignments are due, or social commitments you have.. Sometimes you have no choice. I am well-practiced in the art of emotional procrastination – leaving stuff till the last minute, in a sense. I might know an emotion or personal issue is there, but it’s too hard to deal with. And sure, sometimes you have to give time, time… Only you know when the light of healing is needed or that old wound needs looking at. And yes, the road ahead might be long and hard, but after dealing with some pretty difficult stuff in my life I don’t regret the path I’ve taken one bit. I’m still choosing to be on the journey.
Taking a look at the baggage is ultimately about loving yourself and the people around you. And really, allowing the one who made you and knows you best to mould you into the person he created you to be. Dealing with shame and hurt and pain is what the God I follow is in the business of. And he helps us through it lovingly, gently and tenderly.
When you’re in his arms of healing and cleansing, you know there is truly no better place to be. And that experience is worth more than anything in the world…